Unleashed 7 Piece Revised

First of all it is not bad right now, but maybe it could be a bit smoother.

Another idea would be to add more motion on the strings in the last bars before the next section. So it builds to the next section instead of just starting. Like going from whole note to half notes, then 4ths and then the second section starts with 8ths.
Don't know if it will work but maybe it's worth a try.

 

I think the race has differnt kind of version of the same thing you want to do.

Other than that you can look at what I tried in my piece (not sure where I got the ideas from to be honest).

Also Benny Oschmann did this in this piece in different variations.

 

I think the answer is in the symphonic repertoire. I'm sure there are plenty of pieces with violins and flute. I'll see if I find some examples. Meantime, not exactly the same combination but in Princess Leia's theme, from bar 6 to 14 violins I and II are doing accompaniment to 1 horn, but they are playing pp, divisi, and with sordino.(horn dynamic is mp)



From bar 19, 1 Flute carries the melody, with Violins I, II and Violas doing tremolo, and 1 Horn doing a countermelody.


The trombones part I share before is from "Harry's Wondrous World". bars 110 to 115
Horns do similar accompaniment in bars 45 to 51

 

Little off topic but since you posted your score, you should add the instruments name at the beginning. Also, why do you have 3 treble staffs below the perc staff?

 

Damn... Totaly missed that. Thanks!
Three treble because second violins are divisi

 

I thought that. In that case, you just write the 2 notes in the same staff, and you add the mark "div.", like this:

 

That's just because Dorico formats it that way if you use Doricos divisi functionality.
I did this, because then you get individual sheets for all players (better for the players to read probably, but in this case not for the conductor). I only used this in case my piece should get picked for the contest and then played by real players.

 

Hey, you got around to orchestrating it, nice!

Plenty of good stuff, the strong melody definitely helps with that. The string accompaniment however can probably be made more interesting. Not just to make it more engaging for the players, but also to add to the flow of the piece. Your current rendition has a somewhat static, unchanging feel to it because the strings are either holding or arping chords. I am not near a piano ATM so I'll post some more specific suggestions later, but some low hanging fruit:

1. Consider changing bass to pizz instead of arco and have it play a more rhythmic bass line (like upbeats, descending or ascending lines). A little rhythmic embellishment here or there could go a long way.
2. Let the violas or cellos echo the main melody, like in a question-and-answer kind of way. This doesn't have to mimic the melody exactly, it can also just be harmonizing notes, or a simplified version of the melody.
3. You can also consider loure playing (notated as tenuto under slur - apologies if you're already aware) as a variation to the interlocking strings. Could be nice if there's more rhythmic interest too.

 

@Duncan Formosa
Here is an example with loure. Just an example, not saying you should do it this way. Just trying to break things up more in the strings so it's now continuously the same interlocking strings.

Audio: https://voca.ro/1u0D8C6LeYeu



Alternate with violins 2 starting in the lower octave:
Audio: https://voca.ro/1949S6hpvSbm


I think the loure gives a nice, gentle pulse. Again, not saying you need to do it this way, just offering a suggestion that maybe helps inspire some ideas. I think the violins 2 in bar 4 and bar 5 where they briefly go along with the horns before returning to A works nicely.

 

Just to make sure, is the notation the latest version? On page 3, bar 26 I'm hearing a difference between the notation and what the violas are playing on soundcloud (~0:39).

It's not worse, not to me at least. That said, I would still repeat much of the feedback I gave earlier. Sorry! Let me try to explain...

The interlocking strings get stale after a while, I think that's my biggest "issue" with this piece. If I counted correctly, you're doing it for 32 bars straight (and that's just counting the version where you do it in eights, you still do it a lot after that). The exact point where it gets stale for me is when the flute and piccolo take the melody. But even before that I already feel like you're pushing it using that device over and over.

Speaking of that device, while you can definitely do it without trombones, the way I remember it being used most often is that you have this buzz of strings providing movement whilst trombones state the chords outright. I just so happen to know that this is at least what happens in The Race thanks to that attempt to mockup the interlocking strings that I did. Maybe this could be something worth exploring? Doesn't necessarily have to be trombones, you still have some woodwinds free to play the chords in a sustained fashion.

I was rewatching Mike's class on structure and one thing that came up repeatedly in the first hour is the concept that the simpler your idea is, the more you can go out and add harmonic complexity as the piece develops. I think this is true for your piece as well. The melody is simple (in the good way of being easy to follow) and very strong, so it can handle more complex harmony without losing the audience.

There are several areas you could look at for the accompaniment. Just to be clear, I'm talking about 0:30 onward. The strings are fine on the introduction, and I'm mostly just harping on your extensive use of the interlocking strings:

1. Rhythmic variety (you already did this for the interlocking strings - but it's still the same device so it's not super audible)
2. Counterpoint (like in 1:25, more of that!)
3. Harmonic complexity (your melody is super clear, it can handle more complex harmony)
4. Sense of forward movement doesn't only have to come from strings. Handing that role over to brass or woods on occasion and freeing up strings to play sustains may be worth a try? If only you had a harp available...

All that said, the piece is fine as it is. It's just that I think that you rely on the interlocking strings device too much. Your melody is so strong and compelling that you can do a lot more with the accompaniment,

Since you mentioned wanting this piece to be very delicate, Michael Worth (Farkle) did a stream on nuance 2 years ago. Maybe you can get some ideas from that? It's been a while since I saw it so I am not entirely sure if what's being talked about there will translate, but Michael is certainly worth watching imo starts about minute 8 (funnily I just noticed there is a shoutout to Mike at about minute 10):

 

That sounds like great advice by @Matthias Calis. I want to add a thought here:

How was your piano sketch again?
I assume you were doing left hand arpeggios when you use the soaring interlocking strings.
Do you keep them going from there on?
Would be pretty stale either probably.

So if yes, maybe it's time to get back to the piano and work it out.
If you used another sort of pattern, then take cues from that.