Treasure Hunt (Storytelling)

Neat vibe. Some nit-picks of the first minute-ish:

• could have milked the drone a little longer before introducing a pulse
• claves at the beginning feel like they should be a little earlier, before the winds
• they're also "out-of-time" with that classy kabuki-like pattern, so it's a bit weird to hear them after there's already a melody swimming around
• that idea in the winds kind of vanished? I didn't hear it repeated and I have a hard time registering it as a throw-away intro so...
• when the low strings enter, it feels like a completely different idea
• sounds like your string samples can't keep up with what you're writing, the poor things
• save the big chimes for later, they're cool but don't add much when played that quietly, it's like they're being restrained - do a smaller ringing / bell-like perc instead?
• crescendo there feels a little too big for the energy going on; it's a bit sudden and feels like the harp alone doesn't punctuate the end of it enough, maybe timpani or some toms?
• timpani could live pretty comfy in that beginning part - they love doing that soft rumbly stuff, so having them peek out a bit for the crescendo could be tasty

It's a cool piece! I'll have to come back and give a proper listen when I'm not being pelted with Nerf darts.

 

Sure thing!

Working atm, but I can do a reply. Let's see...
Winds at 0:47 felt like a new idea instead of a reference, at least to me. At the beginning, I got that U-shaped motive stuck in my head, and when this reference shows up without that aspect to it, it felt like a new thing to me.

When we do that marching / slogging string+low wind idea starting at 0:35-ish, the samples don't quite "flow". I know it's a pain in the butt to work with most sample libraries (especially with shorts) so while it should go without saying, I just wrote it down anyway because I heard it. No points deducted, I promise!

I haven't done much long-form stuff myself, so I can't really give valuable feedback about consistency and development on that scale. I can quote stuff from Mike's "STRUCTURE" video, but you really should get it from the man himself instead of my carbon copied, highly contextual (and very clumsy) notes.

To address that, I got Peter and The Wolf in my backlog of "things to transcribe and remix", which I think feels like a good place to get a handle on the nuances of pure audio story. So I'd say go do that if you haven't already?

No reason to bow out and shrink your goals. Actually, I've been told that you can only really get better at long-form stuff if you write more of it, so definitely do more of it.


Shouldn't be long before I'm in a safe listening area, away from the looming threat of assault toys.

 

Alrighty, more crits now that I'm not under fire:

Structural stuff:
Idea starting at 0:24 with the piratey motif doesn't seem to divide well into 2's, so that could be a structural weakness.

Check it out: 0:24 - 0:30 is a "question", 0:30 - 0:36 is an "answer", so you've established a kind of duality there, but then 0:36 - 0:41 is a "question-answer" since you're hitting the tonic at the end of it and then following up with a little echo, so it ends in an unexpected asymmetry where you've got a package of 3 phrases instead of the expected 4. I'd massage a couple notes there and extend it just a little bit to make it easier to digest on the first listen.

For example, here's something like it that has super obvious symmetrical / paired phrasing and has space at the end for an echo:
https://voca.ro/1nEtKXHHzJeC

Any regular joe will be okay with that. If they're seeped in the moment, they might start humming it too, but that's because it's packaged very simply - in pairs. Everyone likes pears! That's a fact. But once you've established your idea in that simpler 4-phrase form for the first time, for the second time around you could probably get away with the truncated or 3-phrase version you originally had.

Idea starting at 1:48 seems to have a completely new rhythm and doesn't seem to fit quite right. While the piratey motif has a kind of "lurking" tonality and rhythm to it, this one is a bit too different and doesn't feel like there's enough of an introduction to change the mood without feeling awkward. I'd say it either needs to be written a little more rhythmically similar to the existing ideas or maybe give it a dovetail or run-up that can prepare the listener for the change.

At 2:21, there's another new idea that suddenly appears.

You know, I've been told there's a trick with writing long-form, where you write out a medley of tons of ideas in the first pass, then go back over it, identify where you have awkward new ideas popping up, and sneak them (or just fragments of them) into earlier parts to help the listener anticipate them later. There's an art to it that goes well beyond just knowing about it, as John Williams shows us, but that's a thing to look for. Stray melodies that "don't fit" in the first draft can present opportunities to re-contextualize them later (or earlier) in the piece.


Going to have to give it a break here, as I don't have Mike's insights or olympian stamina for critique and I'd just be mindlessly blathering from this point. Hope what's here so far is more helpful than nothing, but please don't take it in a negative light. This is mostly nit-picking and I think the piece is pretty well put together as it is.

 

Sure thing!
But take it all with a grain of salt, as I'm in the same boat as you.

Frankly, I wish the other guys would make some rounds in their free time since my untamed input could doom us all to mediocrity. It's a musical holocaust in the making.

 

You rang.

Can't be more shocking than Mike's twitter account.


Ok....... I could only make it to about the 3-minute mark. I can't make it thru all 7 min.

The 3:15 mark feels too much like "The race" for me. I've only ever listened to Mike's piece say two times, but going from the stop to the
ostinato and then the theme feels too familiar in terms of both gesture and the melodic choices.

You might win in court, but for your own growth find some other possible solutions.


I'm kind of with you for the first 26 seconds. It sets a mood. I don't have any real criticism of that.

Once you begin your theme and up the big change at 1:16.....for the love of God move your bass.

What is wrong with it? It's like that friend you stays on your coach. Maybe your bass is Australian?

Start there. Get the first 75 seconds really solid. Have another layer of music. Move the bass and use harmony to offer surprises upon repetitions

 

The first thing I think you really need to do is to tighten up your main ideas. Also experiment more with getting more out of your "core"

Let's start with that melody at 27:

To my ears it's sluggish, and sort of "off". Even if that is what your were hoping for, for dramatic reasons, you will still be better off getting a clear/solid idea of your theme, and then make more abstract if you wish.


So let me offer one possible idea.

Here it is now in 6/8





Now, to show you how much more interesting it will be to move your bass line, I am filling out with a "generic" "Hollywood" style progression



(Bar 3 is an F. Sorry that it is hard to read; that is the pitch the Bass will play)
Next, fill that in with a "stock" open voicing of each triad in root position


Add in your ostinato "motor"





Then quickly we already have something to build on and vary


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