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Theme for my girlfriend

Discussion in 'Critique & Feedback' started by Duncan Formosa, May 26, 2020.

  1. #1 Duncan Formosa, May 26, 2020
    So, my girlfriend and I will have been dating for 5 years very very soon. The problem is the lockdown rules in Scotland haven't really started lifting yet and we don't live together and I really wanted to do something for her for our 5 years.

    So, because we probably won't see each other at this rate, I wrote her this tune. Would really like some feedback on this before I give it to her. Just planning on having it on piano, I was initially going to try and orchestrate it but nothing comes to mind, so it makes me think that the piano alone is enough.

     
    Niko Tompuri, Mattia Chiappa and Sylvain Provenzano like this.
  2. #2 Marian Szewczyk, May 26, 2020
    It's a nice little tune. First of all, let me say: It's perfectly fine so far and you could just give it to her like this and she's gonna love it. But since you asked for feedback, here are some of my humble thoughts:

    There's a little inconcistency in your theme. Compare 0:13-0:18 to 0:35-0:41. In the second version (which I prefer) there is one more note at the end. I think you should include that last not in all other versions of the theme too.

    Also, at some points you start these patterns in the left hand, e.g. 0:25 and 1:10. But somehow, halfway towards the end of the theme, you always seem to break out of the pattern into a more slower motion. Maybe try keeping that pattern until the very end of each pass.

    I got a little 'bored' at around 2:00, it repeats a lot and it's not much happening there. But it's fine, no worries. Just in case you decide to work on it again in the future.

    By the way, the piano version sounds just fine. Totally okay just by itself. If you ever do decide to make more out of it though, I think a pop-ballad kinda thing might work well.
     
    Duncan Formosa likes this.
  3. #3 Mike Verta, May 26, 2020
    There are lots of ways to improve the melody's effectiveness, but all things considered I would let this be a timecapsule - for your feelings, and for where you were in your skills at this moment in time. This is the only time it will be actually you, your expression, and nobody else's.
     
    Duncan Formosa likes this.
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