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Star Sword

Discussion in 'Critique & Feedback' started by Louis Calabrese, Sep 20, 2017.

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  1. #41 Doug Gibson, Sep 26, 2017
    Nice. Perhaps 1-minute improvs are more beneficial and take less time pounding out words on the computer.
    Arigato Sensei
     
  2. #42 Doug Gibson, Sep 26, 2017
    Just had to post I have received 69 likes !

    Screen Shot 2017-09-25 at 7.26.34 PM.png
     
  3. #43 Mike Verta, Sep 26, 2017
    So, the point is that as weird as those improv'd motions might be, they nonetheless force you to deal with them - ideally keep you engaged. And when you have a very simple idea, however compelling, developing and expanding on it in substantive ways is key. I went pretty "out" pretty quickly here to make a point, but it's not a lightyear from the distance an idea like this needs to travel to stay interesting. And if we spend more than 5 minutes on it, we can make more interesting and connected choices than this example, and achieve the goal - reinforcing the idea while keeping people engaged with developing material.
     
    Luke Johnson likes this.
  4. #44 Louis Calabrese, Sep 26, 2017
    Mike

    Thank you for taking the time to put this together. It is, I would expect, interesting, engaging and no two bars are the same but the melody is clearly there with nice progression. I guess it's not that I don't see what you or everyone is saying but Mike your work highlight's it so vividly.

    I fear listening to your piece too many times because it'll get stuck in my head which could be an issue if I want to try to write the piece again. Do you think I should try to salvage that piano thing up there, try again from scratch with that melody, or a new melody and a new piece?
     
  5. #45 Mike Verta, Sep 26, 2017
    We have to be able to develop pieces from core ideas that are both strong and weak, just as part of our skillset. And mining melodies for modulations is a little like mining for gold - not every hill will produce a mine. I can tell you that this motif is tough to get a lot out of, for reasons which would take awhile to explain, and you're better off learning by trying as best you can. I'd stay with it. And definitely don't follow what I did, because it's nearly quasi-random; everything in it can be done, but truthfully not back-to-back like that in such a short span. But it starts to give you the idea that you can go many places beyond where you have so far.
     
  6. #46 Louis Calabrese, Sep 26, 2017
    Ok, I stuck with trying to work with what I wrote. I think I fixed some of the rhythm issues and I've added some variation. Please let me know if you think!

     
  7. #47 Doug Gibson, Sep 26, 2017
    Exactly right. A lot of great info has been given.

    "The usual suspects" can be very helpful for this. Sometimes one will open up a modulation to another

    Here is your theme, then backwards, then upside down, then upside down and backwards. Then two going against each other (horn and violin)
    You material can create the entire sound world. That's why I have been saying it's not just the "pattern" but how you develop it. I kinda go in satire at the end. ("take the piss" the Aussies would say) You theme is now the bass line for the stupid part.


    Screen Shot 2017-09-26 at 4.28.18 AM.png

    PS. It's Tinker bell isn't it ? I was never a Disney fan
     
    Louis Calabrese likes this.
  8. #48 Alexander Schiborr, Sep 26, 2017
    Man, waht a great thread. I hadn´t the time to respond yet but I will. Thank for your cool examples and that is what real talk is about.
     
  9. #49 Louis Calabrese, Sep 26, 2017
    Doug

    Nice take on the theme, do you feel my latest piano version carries more weight and depth down the lines of what we have been discussing here?
     
  10. #50 Louis Calabrese, Sep 26, 2017
    It's certainly more useful then another comparison thread about string VI's. In fact this will save me lots of money as there's no point in buying anything more until I get a better grip on writing.
     
  11. #51 Alexander Schiborr, Sep 26, 2017
    Super! Becaus this bullshit is so unnecessary. PS: I like your new version also a lot better. Sometimes I feel still that your melody has those stops or gaps where I think Mikes Version is a bit more steady with the pulse which lets me connect easier.
     
  12. #52 Louis Calabrese, Sep 26, 2017
    Thank you! I think this might be part what Mike's talking in potential weakness of the melody (that and maybe some of its chordal landing points?). After the opening I could fill in all the melody gaps but I'm afraid I'll loose that original melody. Are you specifically seeing the gaps in the first part of the melody (the descending riff) or the trailing part (the fifths up and down). I think its the earlier part and will make some changes there but asking. Using all this wonderful help here, once I get a piano piece that's not offensive to everyone here I will try to orchestrate it out.
     
  13. #53 Louis Calabrese, Sep 26, 2017
    I uploaded another copy with a few changes to possibly address the gaps that you were hearing.
     
  14. #54 Gharun Lacy, Sep 28, 2017
    Whoa. I was traveling and came back to this.
     
  15. #55 Louis Calabrese, Oct 9, 2017
    Last edited: Oct 9, 2017
    Hey all. I put this together based on your comments on the new Star Sword piano piece. I would like your opinions!

     
  16. #56 Alexander Schiborr, Oct 9, 2017
    Louis..you make it again more complicated here again. I had recorded this morning something for you. My comments refer really to the beginning of your track and first statement. Excuse the bad sound quality and sloppy playing. Yesterday I had some drinks on my fiances birthday and I was still tired! Anyways I hope you get idea about what I am talking there.

    https://www.dropbox.com/sh/vphm3ahvb3o03rb/AACYgVa6wYocCIQQTh8XXijwa?dl=0
     
    Matt Varone likes this.
  17. #57 Louis Calabrese, Oct 9, 2017
    I can't listen to that link, when I download the file my phone can't open it. Is it some type of orchestral thing, or a different piano version of this same melody?

    This new orchestral work I made lines almost directly from the piano piece I re-wrote that you said you liked a lot more. Since the piano piece has the same complexity as the orchestral piece (I just change colors with the orchestra) I'm not sure of the issue here (outside of me not getting the VI to add the dynamic swelling the way I want).
     
  18. #58 Louis Calabrese, Oct 9, 2017
    Congratulations, btw, it's really wonderful and hard to find your mate in life!
     
  19. #59 Alexander Schiborr, Oct 9, 2017
    No it is a standard mp3. It is actually a recording where I talk and play..you can listen to the file in the browser or download it. Don´t know though what kind of phone you have.
     
  20. #60 Louis Calabrese, Oct 9, 2017
    I got it now, it was weird, my phone wasny seeing it as an mp3.
     
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