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Phrasing of a Theme (trying to fix an unleashed song)

Discussion in 'Critique & Feedback' started by Michael Lückgen, Jan 1, 2024.

  1. #1 Michael Lückgen, Jan 1, 2024
    On the latest Unleashed Mike said something about coming back to the tonic at my piece (End Credits, the second one).

    So I tried to fix it, but am unsure if I succeeded, and whether or not I have to come back to the tonic all the time, or just at the beginning. My thought was that it could be okay to delay the tonic after the introduction because we are venturing out. But not sure if it works that way.

    I also added an modulation at the place Mike suggested.

    I think the structure has now also changed to ABABA(venturing out)CCCDAA or something like that.

    Let me know what you guys think!

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  2. #2 Michael Lückgen, Jan 2, 2024
    Last edited: Jan 2, 2024
    Okay I just woke up and decided to change the cadence to a bVI bVII in order to save the V as a surprise in the B. Also it is more in alignment of the melody and rest of the song.

    I also reverted the modulation after the first B, because now with the 8 Bar structure instead of 4 Bar structure it felt wrong to me. But instead I reharmonized to a iv v here at the cadence.

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