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Looking for feedback !

Discussion in 'Critique & Feedback' started by Didier Recloux, Oct 16, 2018.

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  1. #1 Didier Recloux, Oct 16, 2018
  2. #2 Doug Gibson, Oct 16, 2018
    I think the form is off.

    Overall, I would say cut what you have down to three minutes. I'll give you a step by step break down in a second.
    My first reaction while listening was interested in your theme. Felt like it took long to arrive at the main theme, and then
    by what I'll call the development (woodwinds) I'm just thinking.....get a room.

    0-20": Cool, like it.
    20": Here is where I would re-think things. I would actually be curious to hear what the music you have @1:23 would sound like here.
    I am let down by the piano melody. Nothing is wrong with the melody- but we just had 20 seconds of piano, and I would like the contrast of instruments.
    Also, the piano and minor chords gets a little "debbie downer" for me. The first time it's ok, but it feels introspective and moody a little too much for what I think you are going for.

    In general I would be curious to hear more side by side A/B phrases. Here is what I mean by that (I hope this will make sense)

    Let's call you section at 20" up until @ 1:12 A.

    We can pretty much cut up your A section into two smaller sections : A1 20" - 46 A2 46 - 1:12

    We can then cut up A1 into 4 two chord phrases. Same with B. Then we have A1-A, A1-B,A1-C,A1-D. The same for A2. The same for B. B = the part at 1:12

    If this makes any sense, I am suggesting then you could have B1 - A1 or a number of combos. The different moods will actually be more powerful I believe as a Question/answer type grouping rather than these longer 8-16 measure groupings.

    I think the entire piece should be around 3 min. Make sure you piece retains the rythmic interest throughout

    Nice to hear your work !
     
    Aaron Venture and Mattia Chiappa like this.
  3. #3 Didier Recloux, Oct 17, 2018
    Hi Doug!
    Thank you for your listening to my piece and taking the time to let me know your thoughts about it.
    I did think of changing instruments after the piano intro but somehow I thought the simplest way of presenting the main theme was with the piano again. I get what you mean by "debbie downer", as with every love story this particular one is a very slow, painful one before it finally gets better and that's why I chose this progression.

    I will definitely have a try with your suggestion regarding how the sections are put together, it might have to be a different answer but I quite fancy that, thank you so much!

    best,

    Didier
     
  4. #4 Doug Gibson, Oct 17, 2018
    Of course.... do your thing.

    Here is a crude example of what I mean. I cut up your piece. Ideally one would smooth it out (orchestration etc.)

    https://www.dropbox.com/s/cpos1xjtj6a97af/Love Theme (Edits).mp3?dl=0

    This is the first 1:45. For me it drags less, and I think it's sometimes really important to grab people from the get go.

    Do your thing

    Wishing you all the best
     
    Didier Recloux likes this.
  5. #5 Didier Recloux, Oct 17, 2018
    Hi Doug, thank you for that, yes I see what you mean, I need to rethink the calls and answer I think, but it does drag less that way
    Thanks for your help!
    Best,
    Didier
     
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