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Escaping the temple.

Discussion in 'Critique & Feedback' started by Claude Ruelle, Jul 9, 2017.

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  1. #1 Claude Ruelle, Jul 9, 2017
    Here's a short piece I wrote a few months ago as an exercise, feel free to be harsh on this one! The mock-up has some sloppy performances so sorry about that.

     
    Gregory D. Moore and Andre Lefebvre like this.
  2. #2 Mike Worth, Jul 13, 2017
    There's some great stuff here, Claude, nice work!

    You do a good job at :17 of taking your cool, mysterious motive, and repeating it 3 times, giving it anchors and development. at :30, you set up a cool rhythmic pedal point, a typical trick is to then repeat that pedal point, up a half step, up a whole step, or up a minor third, to increase the drama. Then, when you break the rhythm, it's been an idea that's been said twice.

    At :05, when you have that cool upward ba-da-DAH! in the strings, you can answer that with a descending Ba-da-da, in the flute and Xylophone. Very Hollywood Action.

    Production wise, I like my mix drier, so you can hear the strings rosin, etc., but that's personal taste.

    As always, please take these comments as just one person's observations. Really, really great stuff!

    Mike
     
    Claude Ruelle likes this.
  3. #3 Mike Verta, Jul 13, 2017
    A person talking for 1 minute about 4 different things, only tangentially related to each other. Picture your reaction to being on the other side of that, and you will understand what's going on with this piece for a listener.

    Anytime - anytime - we play an idea, we should be stating one worth staying with. When we abandon it as quickly as we introduce it, we tell the listener we have nothing truly compelling or interesting to say. Instead, we'll just try to come up with more and more bite-sized snippets of ideas until time runs out.

    You have an opening figure/set of figures in the first 10 seconds. Redo the rest of the piece so that it never lets go of those figures; so that it builds upon and repurposes those figures and never lets go. A minute of this is almost no time at all, and if it's a decent idea, can effortlessly sustain this development. Do this and repost.
     
  4. #4 Claude Ruelle, Jul 13, 2017
    Thank you, Mike(s)!

    I'll work on it and try to repost soon.
     
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