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I couldn't sleep...So I wrote this

Discussion in 'Critique & Feedback' started by Duncan Formosa, Mar 15, 2021.

  1. #1 Duncan Formosa, Mar 15, 2021
    The other night I was tossing and turning and had this idea in my head, so I decided to record it. I'm still debating whether to keep it as a solo piano or add some strings as well to change up the colour.

    Also think I might have milked the ending a bit. Curious what everyone thinks.

     
    Tom Welsh, David Healey, Erik Helm and 3 others like this.
  2. #2 Mark Wayne, Mar 16, 2021
    Hi Duncan,

    I like this piece, it's very contemplative and dreamy.

    It reminds me a bit of the piano section of the Ul'dah nighttime theme if you've ever played Final Fantasy XIV. I think they are at least similar in terms of their vibe.
    I'm also reminded of Laura Palmer's theme from Twin Peaks - that piece, and yours, tends to drift in and out of somber and hopeful moods.

    I agree that the ending could be made shorter and it wouldn't take away from the strength of the piece. In terms of tension, I feel that around 1:28-1:36 is the most intense part of the piece. To me, after a moment of that intensity, the music would now be ready to "relax", and for a few seconds it seems like that's what's happening, and at 1:53 it felt like it had slowed down and was ready to stop completely. But then it builds back up again within the next few seconds, but not really to another climax - more just a restatement of the previous ideas before becoming quiet again.

    I could see a drawn-out ending like this working in certain contexts though. Like, if this were a theme to a show or video game, a version of this that ends at 1:53 could be the standard theme to the show, and a version similar in length to the one you have now could be reserved for the finale of the show or a particularly plot-defining moment.
     
    Duncan Formosa likes this.
  3. #3 Carlos Riesco, Mar 16, 2021
    Hi Duncan, just want to say that I can definitely hear an orchestra in this piece, like in Forrest Gump or Contact theme.
     
    Duncan Formosa likes this.
  4. #4 Duncan Formosa, Mar 17, 2021
    Do you think the ending should happen at around 2:12? Or do you think it needs to come sooner? I think I could probably end on the major chord still like the original ending but just get to it quicker.
     
  5. #5 Duncan Formosa, Mar 17, 2021
    Yeah that's kind of the vibe I was thinking. I'd maybe just stick to piano and strings and keep it simple. Start with a solo piano and then the strings take over the melody the second time around. I'm still debating it though. I've got some people saying the piano on it's own sounds complete and others saying to add the string section. I guess I could always do both. Wouldn't be the first time there's a different version of the same track.
     
  6. #6 Mark Wayne, Mar 17, 2021
    For me, the issue is that the section from 1:38 to 1:54 slows down and becomes so quiet, which in my perception feels like the piece is ready to be over.

    I think that having an ending at 2:12 on the major chord might work better if the section I mentioned above were played more loudly/confidently, but I'd be interested to hear what others think.
     
    Duncan Formosa likes this.
  7. #7 Duncan Formosa, Mar 18, 2021
    I've shortened the piece. I think it does feel a bit better now. What do you think?

     
    Bjarke Tan and Mark Wayne like this.
  8. #8 Mark Wayne, Mar 20, 2021
    Nice! I do like this version better. The ideas in your piece make their point but aren't overstaying their welcome.
     
    Duncan Formosa likes this.
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