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Japanese-Inspired Theme

Discussion in 'Critique & Feedback' started by Mark Wayne, Mar 6, 2021.

  1. #1 Mark Wayne, Mar 6, 2021
    Hey everyone,

    I recently wrote a short piece largely based on the beginning of the Japanese national anthem, Kimi Ga Yo.

    Do you find this piece easy to follow? How are the choices of chords? What are the most important things to be improved in a piece like this?

    I look forward to reading any and all feedback!

     
  2. #2 Marko Dvojkovic, Mar 8, 2021
    That was pretty good what you did there from 1:14 onward with some "intervalic motifs" from the melody. However for this piece I feel that up until then it is drawn out a bit too much. Anyhow I can confidently say because I have noticed that in all of the great melodies I have studied so far that your melody lacks some distinctive rhytm, the rhytm of it is completely flat (except the rest at the end but that is not enough, on the other hand it has some distinctive intervalic movement and you used that to your advantage as I mentioned, later on in the piece, so that is good), but, maybe I would start with it flat and than do some rhytmical variations and development of it.
    I would introduce the chords sooner. Repeating it twice and then twice up an octave just to me doesn't feel like enough development. Or I can think of maybe not developing that much the melody in the beginning like you didn't but I can imagine it working quite well as kind of ostinato/melody and playing with changing the harmonies and bass underneath it, just a little suggestion that crossed my mind. So after you introduce the chords, at 0:44 you have some vertical development I feel that that cycle is excessive and we have already heard the exact melody enough times and you could confidently right away move on from there.
    It certainly could be a track from maybe an JRPG for SNES from the golden era in 90s :)

    I hope that you find at least something of use from my thoughts.
    Just keep doing it, cheers!
     
  3. #3 Mark Wayne, Mar 9, 2021
    Thanks for the feedback, Marko - it was indeed helpful!

    I totally see what you mean about it being too drawn out. In my DAW I ended up removing the first two iterations of the melody so that we now hear it only twice (not four times) before introducing the chords. I think it helped, since the piece is already generally vertical development-heavy.

    Just to be clear, what do you mean by "flat" in this context? Does it have to do specifically with the rhythm being in lock-step without any kind of swing, or is it about modulating into different keys? If it's the former, it's somewhat intentional since the piece is supposed to feel like a very slow march, though I'm sure there are ways to vary it more.
     
  4. #4 Marko Dvojkovic, Mar 9, 2021
    Last edited: Mar 9, 2021
    I think that vertical development is not inherently bad it just depends how much and when.

    Oh sorry since I am not a native english speaker I am sometimes not sure about some maybe more music theory terminology. It is strictly about the rhythm, all your rhythm values in the melody are the same (quarter notes) there is no any subdividing going on.
     
  5. #5 Mark Wayne, Mar 14, 2021
    Sorry that I'm just now replying to this, but thank you for the clarification - that does make sense, and I agree!
     
    Marko Dvojkovic likes this.
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