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One Lifetime

Discussion in 'Critique & Feedback' started by Michael Lückgen, Aug 16, 2020.

  1. #1 Michael Lückgen, Aug 16, 2020
    I made a new Song.

    I think I finally found a workflow which works good for me :)
    Let me know what you guys think!

     
  2. #2 Michael Lückgen, Aug 17, 2020
    One critique I got was that there is no clear through line in it.
    And happening too much.

    Wondering if anyone else feels like this?

    I tried moving things and change the mood for more contrast and having it go places.
    Is it maybe too much for only 5 minutes?
    Or are the transitions too abruptly?
     
  3. #3 Duncan Formosa, Aug 17, 2020
    Hey Michael,

    I'd have to agree there is maybe too many ideas going on in this piece. Your first idea is simple which is good, I think it's easy to follow and I was expecting you to take it in many different places, but almost the moment the idea is introduced it goes somewhere else and I kept wondering "are you going to go back to it" and you did, but I felt it maybe took a little too long to get there and then it was over again.

    I do hear that you tease some elements of the main idea in the other sections, for example at around 1:35 you start your next part almost the same as the main idea, but then you hold on to the second note longer and the rhythm changes altogether. My brain was immediately expecting similar rhythmic patterns to your first idea and then got frustrated when you changed it.

    I hope you don't mind but I tried creating an example very quickly during my lunch break using your theme at the beginning. Don't take this as gospel, this was very rushed but it's just to demonstrate that you could take this idea and repackage it. The second time through would be a good point to add some kind of counter melody as the last note of the theme is being held etc. (That ending is shocking though, just ignore the last bit haha I had to rush off.)

    Let me know if this is helpful or not, I'm not always great at explaining things.

     
    John Eldridge and Michael Lückgen like this.
  4. #4 Duncan Formosa, Aug 17, 2020
    Come to think of it actually, a better example would be the theme for Morrowind. The main theme is very easy to lock onto because it's repeating a very simple pattern.

     
  5. #5 Michael Lückgen, Aug 17, 2020
    Oh wow. It is so hard to notice that for myself. Now that you point it out I see why it is disorienting, but for me it totally worked.
    Damn, I should work more on my sketches.
    That thing at 1:35 was just supposed to be a transition into the B part. I thought I could hold the connection with restating some elements of the main idea here and there.

    No I don't mind at all!
    I see what you mean. Keeping the rhythm helps it definitely to stay connected.

    This helped a lot. Thank you Duncan!
    Turns out I need to do more hand holding, than I thought to keep people connected. And it is incredibly hard to hear your own piece objectively.
     
  6. #6 Duncan Formosa, Aug 17, 2020
    I'm glad that helped. Try and get down what you think works as fast as possible and do your best not to go back and listen to it. Take 10-15 mins break and then listen to it. If you find yourself expecting the piece to go somewhere and then you didn't play it that way, chances are you should change it to be what you felt it should have been listening back. Let me know if that makes sense.

    I just listened back what I gave you earlier and even then, I was like "nope, I went the wrong way there, should have done this instead.
     
  7. #7 Michael Lückgen, Aug 17, 2020
    I think I know what you mean.

    However after my sketch I listened to it after a break and found it to be working still.
    Maybe I was too deep into it already.

    Will try to take more care of it on the next piece.
     
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