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What's wrong with my melody?

Discussion in 'Critique & Feedback' started by Thomas Fernando, Aug 6, 2020.

  1. #1 Thomas Fernando, Aug 6, 2020
    Hey everyone,

    I've been refining a piece I wrote a little while ago, and I can sense that something isn't quite right with my melody, but I haven't been able to put my finger on it.

    Any suggestions of what is wrong (and how I could potentially fix it) would be greatly appreciated!

    Here's a piano reduction of the melody with chords. I've also included a score in this thread.

     

    Attached Files:

    George Streicher likes this.
  2. #2 Doug Gibson, Aug 7, 2020
    How long is a piece of string?

    The first thing is you need to sing your melody. You are clearly not singing. Be able to hum it back.

    Aside from the cliche of it, wipe away all the unessential and first get the most basic and solid version.

    Here is a possible example of your first 4 bars re-written

    View attachment upload_2020-8-7_13-16-22.png
     

    Attached Files:

    John Eldridge likes this.
  3. #3 Thomas Fernando, Aug 7, 2020
    Fantastic advice. I'll do that now. Thank you Doug, much appreciated!
     
    Doug Gibson likes this.
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