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Character Theme: The Moon & The Fire

Discussion in 'Critique & Feedback' started by YJ Hung, Oct 23, 2019.

  1. #1 YJ Hung, Oct 23, 2019
    Hello everyone,

    I found Redbanned through Unleashed Ep.5. I learned so much through close to 12 hours of Mike's brutally honest feedback and now I want more. To that end, I'd like to throw my piece on here to get critique from the Redbanned crowd while I explore the rest of Mike's content.



    A bit of premise: This piece was prepared as a boss character theme for a video game. It needs to get right into the meat, and is meant to loop seamlessly, while capable of withstanding multiple playthroughs. I'm open to all feedback, but I'm particularly interested in the following:
    - Clarity of melody (or worst-case, lack thereof)
    - Am I relying on vertical development too much?
    - Am I staying on a motif long enough, or transitioning too much.

    Thank you for your time.
     
    Alexander Schiborr likes this.
  2. #2 Mattia Chiappa, Oct 23, 2019
    I like the vibe you created but at times it's hard to focus on your melody. For example, the whole section at 0.53 has too many different parts fighting to be the foreground, maybe it was meant to sound chaotic but bear in mind for a first time listener it can be very confusing and distracting.

    Good work and keep posting!
     
    YJ Hung and Alexander Schiborr like this.
  3. #3 YJ Hung, Oct 24, 2019
    Thank you very much for the feedback Mattia.

    It confirmed my fear: Section C at 0:53 was meant to be two sides vying for victory, but it'd probably be better served if they didn't also fight for attention. I tried to tone down the "dum dum dums" in the mix below, but that's probably just wishful thinking; I think I'd just have to bite the bullet and revise the section some time.

     
  4. #4 Alexander Schiborr, Oct 24, 2019
    Last edited: Oct 24, 2019
    Hej YJ,
    Welcome to the forum. Hope you enjoy your stay here.
    Well, I listened to your theme a couple of times right now and I like the intensity and dramatic approach.

    A few things

    - Clarity of melody which is an overall subject for your writing: I think the first 20 seconds a too clutered overall because you have so many elements fighting there with your melody and counter lines. I am not sure..whats the focus in that 20 seconds. It feels like you want to start big, but don´t forget to present your first statement even if you want to go BIG, in a clear way that at least there is one element which is in the center focus otherwise it starts to sound chaotic which is in that case imho. Don´t forget: The audience doesn´t know your theme at all and when you throw them in like that, nobody knows whats going on.

    - 20 seconds starting - 50 seconds much better..more clarity, why not starting your theme more like that and keep building up slowly the momentum and add more elements slowly?

    - 53 seconds..good god, mate. Thats just absolute chaos there. :D Cool down! Its like 3 elements or even more I noticed doing all different things where I am super confused where the focus is: Strings? Choir? Brass? Its super dense but super chaotic mate. Don´t do such things. Make space for your melody and also when you intend to bring in so many secondary elements make sure that they are orchestrationally not too much fighting with your important main lines and also give the listening a bit of breathing space and time. One thing at a time. Make it a bit more "organized" in terms taking voices in and out. That would help the clarity, and also the structure and would dramatically improve your track. Its here not the mix problem, its your writing and orchestration.

    This goes more or less to the end of your track and I fear you simply did too much overwriting and overorchestrating and therefore the track is not clearly presented. Now as this is background music for a game this might be not that important but listening to the track from a pure compositional and orchestrational aspect next time: shift down at least 2 gears. Maybe even 3. Big and drama and action can be epic and big, but don´t forget to present it in a clear way.

    Hope that helps mate.

    And again: Welcome here and go posting your music.
     
    YJ Hung likes this.
  5. #5 Mattia Chiappa, Oct 24, 2019
    Off the top of my head, the simplest way to translate that in music would probably be through the use of either call and answer or harmonic contrast. Layering stuff the way you did here conveys chaos, which is a quite different experience. Sure thickening the orchestration with different layers can make things sound bigger but also deviates from your focus the more you add to it. That said, more specific to your case, it would be near impossible to fix that by changing the mix, not because of the dense orchestration but mostly because your instruments play very different parts all at ones. Of course there are exceptions to this but generally, if you examine great orchestration, even in a grandiose statement, there are not too many parts going on. Generally a melody, some sort of rhythm or a pad and at times counter-lines.
     
    YJ Hung likes this.
  6. #6 YJ Hung, Oct 24, 2019
    I really appreciate the detailed feedback Alexander. Thank you!

    The nature of the scene demanded a dramatic entrance. Having experimented with the big start up front, I kinda dig it. I'll do my best to clarify the theme in that time though.

    Haha, that's 2/2 requests for chilling out this section. It'd attribute the overwriting to lack of experience/knowledge. I'll be sure to fix up the section and hone in on the clarity.

    Outside of the clarity problem, what did you think of the cohesiveness? Though I understand that might be hard to determine if the melody is not clear.
     
  7. #7 YJ Hung, Oct 24, 2019
    Definitely learned that this piece, though it feels like choosing my favorite child kinda thing. It'll have to be done. Thank you again Mattias.
     
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